sad sad sad sad sad

Im sitting here in the living room on our stupid stupid couch, in my pretty graduation dress, so sad!

julia left today. i wont see her for probably over 3 years. that sucks, i really love her.

her room is empty, ko is sleeping, im leaving the city in 2 weeks, everyones busy doing stuff....im really sad. I hate it when it's just me with nobody around, I get really sad very easily. and nervous. and anxious. for life. for the future. for everything. I have to start packing up and taking things down. i love this apartment. i love this block. i love this city. i loved living with julia and ko. i can't believe its over. just like that. things always end so quickly. i need to keep busy so i don't get depressed. when i go home before tour starts im going to start making clothes again. i have his fabric from the 70's i bought a few years ago, I need to make a dress out of it.

i got my package with a whole bunch of swag today, that was awesome. i have to go graduate in a couple hours, but im just so sad!!! I don't want to go. We just had lunch with lara, who's going to armenia then london for 2 years. everyone is leaving. Im leaving. blahhhh. i hate not knowing what my next move is. hate it.

ok.

bye.

oh, heres my follow up to my zucchini video. i recorded it a while ago but i put music and stuff on it now. it's pretty good.



lisa.

real stuff

ok, I'll write something real for a change.

Erica was here for the week and it's been super super fun. Jesica came to hang a couple times. I love all the cougs so much. they make me so happy.

Graduation is Wednesday and I move out of the city on May 31st. Then I come home to Harrison for 2 weeks then start warped tour and do that till late August. Then I have to come back home to Harrison? that sucks dude. I want manhattan. I want the east village. I want saint marks between 1st and A.

What am I going to do after tour? I kind of want to keep touring. Do sponsorship. But those jobs are hard to get. Otherwise I want to be a manager, or an assistant to someone with a cool job that I would like to learn from. Or work at Fuse. I need to email them. All I know is I want to be around and working with music and bands for now. Unless Food Network gives me a job. mmmm.

I can't believe I'm moving back home and out of NYC. that SUCKS so much. I love love love nyc. I wish it was less expensive. If I tour I don't know if I'll get an apartment because that would be silly, but I don't want to have to live in harrison in between tours.

I hate decisions. Someone figure it out for me and tell me what to do. please. please. please. I hate not having a list of things to do and I hate not having a plan. It's scary.

And I hate eating 500 pounds of food in one day. Tomorrow its back to breakfast.lunch.dinner. and baby carrots.

I'm in harrison now, I came home for the night because of 1- we have these taralli that I love and was craving and 2- street cleaning is tomorrow and I didn't want to wake up at 9 to move my car and I didn't want to drive around to find another parking spot.

I was driving home and went on 95 south instead of north and ended up in jersey. So I had to turn around and come back to ny. I'm so dumb sometimes. Like today when I misread the terminal signs and we couldn't find jetblue for erica.

Sometimes I feel really stupid and ditzy because I forget things or make stupid mistakes. I don't like feeling like a ditz.

ok, Ill probably go to bed now. I'm excited for tomorrow and my baby carrots.

goodnight.

lisa.